


That Which is Rare; That Which is Precious

by 3DMG Shenanigans (Lightningpelt)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bonding, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Series, Suicidal Thoughts, Trust, Trust Issues, eruri - Freeform, expedition outside the walls, outside the walls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-01-21
Packaged: 2018-01-08 03:25:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1127782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightningpelt/pseuds/3DMG%20Shenanigans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Levi's first mission Outside the Walls, and he's a bundle of excitement and nerves- though of course you'd never know it, and he's not about to admit it. But everything goes wrong when his squad is attacked and separated from the formation; severely injured, he finds himself at the complete mercy of one Commander Erwin Smith, a man he simply doesn't trust. </p><p>Slight warning for mentions of suicide and suicidal thoughts. Aaand Titans eating people. But we're all pretty used to that. </p><p>This was not written to be EruRi of a sexual or romantic nature, although it can certainly be pre-slash if you want to see it that way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Regret

**Author's Note:**

> [Fill for a prompt on the SnK Kink Meme.]  
> http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/3666.html?thread=6027090#cmt6027090 
> 
> Also important to note: Due to the ongoing nature of A Choice with No Regrets, this may or may not conflict. I'm becoming more and more convinced that Levi's _first_ trip Outside will be in the company of Farlan and Isabel, although I'm sure one or both of them (headcanon that it's only Isabel and that Farlan returns to the Underground) will meet a grisly fate. If that's the case, let's just assume that this is the first time Levi's been out while what he considers "alone." 
> 
> A second, slightly less important thing to note: My headcanon regarding EruRi as a ship is rather convoluted; maybe I'll write about it one day, but I shant bore you all now. Long story short, I did _not_ write this to be EruRi, at least not of a romantic or sexual nature (of a fluffy nature, though? hells to the yeah). However, feel free to see it as pre-slash if you wish. ^^ 
> 
>  
> 
> Pssst... follow my SnK tumblr for updates regarding fanfics, new projects, and to see if my requests are currently open~ http://3dmgshenanigans.tumblr.com/ 

Levi would never dream of admitting it, but he was nervous as hell. His horse seemed to be picking up on it, too, prancing and fidgeting among the other, perfectly still mounts, which in turn made Levi even more twitchy.

"Scared?" Hanji asked teasingly, leaning over and yanking on his bridal, pulling his horse closer so that she could push her face into his. "You should be~!"

"Tch!" Levi jerked his reins away from her, trying to calm the now-spooked horse. "You should be the one watching your back. Who's to say I won't take the chance to off a few of you annoying little shits and then take off?"

"Levi..." Erwin's stern voice made him jump, and Hanji giggled. "Stay close- don't stray more than two horse-lengths behind me. Remember how hard it was for me to convince the brass that you were ready to go outside the Walls."

Scowling, Levi looked down; he would never dream of admitting it, but he was excited, too. His heart was fluttering like a bird's wings, and his limbs trembled with eagerness. It was all he could do to keep his usual, annoyed expression in place; it wasn't normally an effort, but that day he _wanted_ to stare around in a childish awe that didn't suit his age and experience. But he refrained; instead, he kept his eyes fixed on Erwin's back; kept his ears tuned to Hanji's excited chattering and laughter.

And then the gate was opened.

"Onward!!" Erwin cried, cracking his horse's reigns and galloping forward. Levi sprang into action, uncharacteristically determined to follow the order he had been given: not two horse-lengths behind. Hanji gave a whoop of excitement as she passed him, and for a split second he wished he could do the same.

Then the whole world unfurled before him.

Levi couldn't keep his mouth shut in the face of such beauty- a huge expanse of blue sky above; a rich green carpet below. His breath stalled as he gazed around him, reins slipping from his hands as his shoulders went slack.

"Pretty amazing isn't it?" Erwin asked kindly, and Levi jumped. Scrabbling to pick up his reins again, he looked down.

"It's okay." He had mixed feelings about his commander; in some ways, he had grown to respect Erwin, but respect did not equate trust. He still felt very uncomfortable around the larger man, and _still_ entertained some half-baked notions about killing him and escaping... although he didn't particularly want to go back to life in the Underground. On top of his own feelings, he doubted his commander trusted or even particularly liked him; despite the oddly caring way he behaved, it would be a slap in the face to all logic and reason if he held anything friendlier than curiosity for the young thug.

Erwin smiled softly, then turned and gave another shout. The formation spread out, and Levi saw Hanji waving wildly as she veered off. Almost reluctantly, he raised his hand in acknowledgment; from her reaction, you might have thought that he had burst into song to bid her a spectacular farewell. He had grown rather shamefully attached to her, and she probably knew it.

"Come back alive!!" she shouted, and he scowled.

"Don't underestimate me, you crazy bitch!!" he yelled back, and her grin widened.

"Eyes forward, Levi," Erwin said sternly, and Levi reluctantly resumed staring at his commander's cape. As the company picked up speed, however, he found that it was far harder to keep up than he had anticipated; horseback was one thing he had no experience with and, while he had obviously mastered it well enough for Erwin to think him capable of being outside the Walls, it didn't come easily to him at all. This ride was nothing like galloping around the paddock; the terrain was uneven, and he felt like the horse had more control over where they were going than he did, which unnerved him to no end.

Trying to swallow his unease, he took solace in the familiar bump of 3DMG at his side. 'Worse comes to worse,' he reassured himself, 'I can ditch this flea-ridden beast and this stupid band of merry men and switch to 3DMG. Then no one, Titan or human, will be able to catch me.' His mastery of the gear had only improved during his time with the Survey Corps; he could even out-maneuver Erwin during practice, now, and was more confident than ever in his abilities.

"Titan sighted!" Erwin called suddenly, snapping Levi to attention. "Due East! We shift ten degrees West! Levi, you fire the round!"

Momentarily confused as to why Erwin had asked him, of all people, Levi fumbled with the signal gun. It took him longer than it should have to get the round loaded, and he heard a brief grumble of annoyance from several other members of the squad. He fired it, and then was all too relieved to have both hands back on the reins.

"..." Glancing up at Erwin, Levi was surprised to see that the squadron leader was so calm. It was the norm, he supposed, for Titans to be sighted, but Erwin hadn't even batted an eye. _He isn't afraid of them..._ Levi realized slowly. _Not in the slightest. In that regard... stronger than me._ The thought left a bad taste in his mouth, and he hunkered down slightly over his horse's neck as he strove, more determinedly, not to fall behind.

"Another one, from the same direction!!" came the sudden shout. Then, just as both Levi and Erwin turned, their squad-mate continued. "No, wait-! Black round sighted! An Aberrant!"

"Levi, again," Erwin instructed, and this time Levi forced himself not to bobble the gun or the cartridge as he loaded it, firing off the black round. He caught his commander's approving glance; looked away with a scowl. "We'll wait to see if the right flank can deal with it; if not, we'll signal another direction change."

Levi focused on the steady beat of his horse's hooves; his whole body was trembling, whether with excitement or fear he didn't know. But the last thing he wanted to do was tumble from the horse's back, as he had a dreadful feeling he would any moment. He kept his eyes fixed on Erwin's back, trying to draw strength from his desire to be his commander's equal. _He isn't frightened... I must not be. I must not allow myself to be weaker than that bastard._

The subsequent hours ticked by without any other signal from the right flank; a few direction-changes from the left, but nothing unusual. Levi's very bones were starting to ache from the passage of miles on horseback; he was beginning to hate the shaggy brown creature for its jarring rhythm and uneven gait. But Erwin remained uncomplaining, and therefore so did he. On the upside, though, he was growing fast accustomed to riding, and that freed up a part of his mind to gaze around at the surrounding landscape and breathtaking beauty.

That was also what allowed him to spot it first.

At first, he wasn't quite sure what he was seeing; he was certain, in fact, that he was really seeing _anything_. But then it grew nearer and nearer; he began to make out the unnatural jerkiness of its motions; the disproportionate limbs; the twisted facial features. And even then, he wasn't sure what he was seeing... until it attacked the messenger riding some half a mile to the East of them, a mere dot on the horizon.

"Heichou!!" he shrieked, suddenly all _too_ certain of what he was seeing, heart hammering painfully against his ribs. "Titan!!"

Erwin's head snapped around; he cursed loudly, his eyes widening to an impossible size. Instantly his signal gun was out; somewhat faster than the eye could follow, he shot off a purple round for emergency, a black round for Aberrant sighted, and a green round that sailed sharply to the North-West.

"Why didn't the right wing signal?!" one of Erwin's squad-mates squawked, and a second glared at him.

"They're obviously all dead!" she snapped. "We have a smaller formation than usual, so it's not unthinkable!"

"None of that is important right now!" Erwin snapped, rounding on his squad. "We're on flat ground- no place to switch to 3D Maneuver Gear! We must outrun it on horseback; find some trees so that we can tip the odds in our favor when we fight it!" Then he looked directly at Levi, who was still staring in stunned shock at the Titan; his usually narrowed eyes were wide, his mouth hanging slack. "Levi! Snap out of it!"

Upon hearing his commander's words, the small man shook his head and redirected his gaze, looking up at Erwin with a puzzled, horrified expression.

"That's a Titan?" he whispered, and Erwin nodded.

"An Aberrant, too, by the looks of it." His eyes were stern but kind- he knew that the boy had never seen Titan before, but he had been willing to bet that he could handle the shock. "Stay close; do _not_ break formation, no matter what. I can't guarantee your safety if you do."

"You can't guarantee my safety regardless!" Levi snapped suddenly, his eyes narrowing again as he brushed away the shock; a sudden and potent resentment for his commander was welling up in him, and it lent him strength. "And I never asked you for or expected that type of promise! Don't act like I'm a child who must be soothed with false words!"

Nodding, satisfied that Levi had come back to himself, Erwin turned; finding himself without the commander's unwavering eyes to focus on, Levi's nerves frayed again almost immediately. So he narrowed his own field of vision until he could _only_ see Erwin's cape; the emblem embedded on it. But the panic churning his stomach was hard to ignore as he bent over the horse's neck- an animal he didn't trust to begin with. _He's right... 3DMG is useless here..._ the young thug thought, biting his lip. _I can't... switch. I have to rely on this stupid beast... and this stupid formation... these stupid people...! I have to rely on them..._

_... or I'm going to die...!!_

Erwin wheeled his horse farther to the left, sending up two smoke rounds to signal the direction change. The Titan's footsteps could be heard, then... Levi tried to ignore the tremors coming up through the ground, in perfect time to the creature's thunderous steps. Then there was a second set; a third; he dared to look over his shoulder, and nearly shrieked aloud.

 _Three_ of the hideous creatures were closing on them- running far faster than the horses. They were close enough so that Levi could see their warped faces; the drool slathering at their wide open mouths. Then then the man at the very back of their squad, a young soldier whose name Levi had never bothered to learn, was grabbed.

"Heichou!!" Levi screamed, but Erwin didn't turn. "The Titans-!!"

"Stay close!" the commander snapped suddenly, and then turned sharply to the left. Levi barely managed to follow, the rest of the squad on his heals. One of the Titans lost its footing as it tried to follow, and instantly Erwin was on his feet atop his horse.

"Keep going straight!" he shouted. "Erica, take my horse!"

Levi watched in amazement as his commander sprang, 3D Maneuver Gear whirring as it attached to the fallen Titan's neck; skimming along the ground, Erwin easily lopped out the beast's vulnerable spot, then spun and shot out one of his cables again. This time it drew him up onto another of the Titan's shoulders, where again he dispatched the creature just as it was about grab at the squad.

Then there was only one left; the original Titan that Levi had spotted, and the fastest of the three. Before Erwin could so much as move from his second kill, it reached out; grabbed another of the soldiers. The man screamed, kicking madly but uselessly, and Erwin wailed, "John!!"

Levi could only watch in terror as the Titan's teeth closed around the human; crunched down with a wild spray of blood, leaving the body in its hands limp. It swallowed him and, as if suddenly more motivated, put on a burst of speed as it raced toward the remaining three members of the squad.

_Save yourself!!_

It was the only thought in Levi's head as he wrenched his eyes from the grizzly scene, digging his heals into the horse's side and leaning so far over its neck that he could bury his face in its mane and block out the world. He felt as much as heard the huge foot land inches from him; heard the scream beside him cut off as the man he had been riding beside was squashed.

Without thinking, he veered to the left, away from the Titan; the horse shrieked in terror, it's whole body spasming beneath him as it skidded. He heard the girl's scream- Erica's, he remembered - as she was grabbed; felt the horse under him scrabble for footing on the blood-soaked ground as she begged and sobbed and wailed; realized with horror that he was falling; that the screams he was hearing were his own; that the girl had already been silenced.

Levi knew as soon as he hit the ground that his leg was broken; the crack was deafening, and the pain even more so. Then his shoulder struck; he felt it dislocate with a bolt of agony, and he couldn't help the scream that was dragged from him.

And then there was the Titan.

Standing over him, leering down at him, it reached out. His mind a haze of panic and his body searing with pain, he scrabbled uselessly on the muddy ground; struggled in vein to escape. Terror, sheer animal terror, was the only emotion he could feel. _Comrades cannot be trusted- should not be trusted!! If I had been on my own; if I had been on 3DMG; if I; if I...!_

_If I had never joined the Survey Corps...!!_


	2. Hesitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, peeps! *bows* This chapter was a blast to write, although I'm admittedly a bit insecure about the finished product. ^^;
> 
> Pssst... follow my SnK tumblr for updates regarding fanfics, new projects, and to see if my requests are currently open~ http://3dmgshenanigans.tumblr.com/ 

_If I had never joined the Survey Corps...!!_

And with that last thought, Levi accepted his death.

Then, a splash of blood appeared at the Titan's neck; the huge creature tipped forward, and Levi screamed again as he flung himself to the side to avoid being crushed beneath it. Erwin became visible, crouched, fixed to its back by his 3DMG, his face pale beneath the splattering of sizzling Titan blood.

"Levi...!" His voice dripped relief at seeing at least one of his squad alive; leaping down, he raced forward, sheathing his blades as he approached. "Are you hurt?"

"Don't come any closer!!"

Erwin jerked back, his feet digging into the soft ground as he stopped. He watched Levi for a careful moment; watched him as he groped for his damaged Gear, drawing one blade slowly with his good hand.

"Levi, what...?"

"Don't come any closer," Levi repeated with a growl. "I don't trust you- I've never trusted you." He winced, pain lancing through him. "This is your fault!"

Erwin came forward; dodged the sword that was flung at his head. "Levi... don't..." he began darkly, but stopped when he saw the tears in the other's eyes.

Levi was terrified- had never been so terrified in his whole life. He was outside the Walls, had no idea how to get back, and had just seen several people eaten alive; his leg was broken and his shoulder dislocated; his 3D Maneuver Gear had been destroyed by the fall. He didn't even have a damned horse, seeing as the stupid creature had gotten itself crushed by the dead Titan.

And, worst of all, he had found himself at the mercy of Erwin Smith, a man who had caused him no end of trouble, and he had caused no end of trouble for; a man who he trusted about as far as he could throw, and who may or may not be mentally impaired by the loss of his whole squad.

A man he had tried to assassinate with his own hands, not a month before. A man who had been prepared to hand him over to certain death, had he refused to join the Survey Corps.

"... What are you going to do?" he asked, just the tiniest quaver in his voice. "Just kill me if you're going to leave me- I'll kill myself if you're going to leave me for dead. It doesn't matter how I die, right?"

Erwin's eyes widened. "Levi, I would never just leave you out here!" he objected, and the smaller man's eyes narrowed further. "You have to let me set your leg! There might be permanent damage if you insist upon keeping me away!"

 _He can’t do anything worse… he can’t possibly put me in a worse situation than this…_ Reluctantly, Levi lowered his sword. Instantly Erwin was crouched beside him, gentle hands skimming across the broken bone. He sighed a moment later- apparently relieved.

“It was a clean break,” he murmured. “Just… let me…” Mouth set with concentration, he groped about on the ground until he found two sturdy branches; ripping strips from his cloak, he shifted the bones carefully until they slipped back into place. "When we rendezvous with the formation, we can get this wrapped properly."

Levi hissed with pain, but kept perfectly still; he watched the larger man carefully, mistrustfully, never once looking away.

"How could you think that I'd leave you?" Erwin murmured softly, as he worked, and Levi glared up at him.

“I _still_ think you’ll leave me,” he retorted, and then snarled, “Don’t tell me you’re happy _I_ was the one who survived! Don’t try to tell me that you wouldn’t have preferred it if one of your other comrades had survived, not me!”

“You can’t ask me to answer that!” Erwin yelled, reaching out and grabbing the smaller man’s shoulder; Levi winced in pain, but still glowered up at his commander. Erwin, eyes narrowing, shoved him away and stood, turning his back. For an instant, Levi was terrified that he would walk away; that he wouldn’t look back. Yet even in that moment, he couldn’t bring himself to apologize, or ask for any other treatment.

But Erwin stopped after a few paces, loading and firing a purple smoke round- emergency. Then he returned to where the smaller man lay, crouching down and grasping his injured shoulder; Levi wailed in pain before he could stop himself, and then bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood.

"Don't be such a child," Erwin huffed, snapping the joint back into place. After a bolt of excruciating agony, relief washed through Levi, although he was careful not to lower his guard a fraction of an inch. Erwin stood again, this time looking around.

"It doesn't look like any of the surviving horses are coming back," he mused aloud, and then made his slow way over to where one of the animals was still writhing on the ground, struggling to rise. He placed one hand on its neck, soothing it with a soft nickering, and examined it. "Broken leg," he murmured. "Shame."

Levi watched as he closed his eyes for a moment; leaned over and whispered in the horse's ear until it relaxed with a friendly whinny. The beast lay its head down, nickering softly as Erwin stroked its neck. Then, before the animal could feel even a flicker of pain or fear, he drove his blade through its skull, killing it instantly. Rising, he wiped the blood from his weapon and returned to Levi's side.

"The chances of anyone seeing that smoke round are slim, if the formation heeded my earlier order to change directions," the commander said, oblivious to the way that Levi was staring up at him. "Even if they do, it'll be half a day before they can double back and reach us. Regardless, we have to find shelter- trees, preferably. Do you think-?" He stalled suddenly, turning and finally seeing the look his subordinate was giving him: one of helpless terror and disgust; fear and resentment. "What the hell?"

"You're going to do that to me," Levi growled darkly, flicking his head toward the body of the horse. "I don't know why the hell you haven't already, but-!"

A foot colliding with the small man's chin was enough to stop his tirade, sending him skidding across the muddy ground. Hissing with fury, he began to rise and spit out a mouthful of dirt, only to find his face driven into the turf by a firm boot. Snarling with disgust as he tasted mud and grass, he scrabbled in a useless attempt to escape.

"You fool," Erwin said, matter-of-factly. "I never took you to be the type who lets fear get the better of him."

Levi bristled, beginning to snap, "I'm no--!" before his face was shoved farther into the dirt. He gagged, trying to breathe and only sucking in soil. He began to cough and writhe violently, clawing at the turf as he struggled for air; Erwin waited another moment before he let him up, simply drawing back his foot. Gasping and coughing, the smaller man sat bolt upright and promptly vomited slightly, his body rejecting the dirt and various plant life he had inhailed and ingested.

"You... fucking...!!" Levi wheezed, wiping acidic mud from his mouth. Erwin stared down at him unsympathetically, eyes glinting.

"You deserved that; you deserve _worse_ punishment for spouting such nonsense." Then he knelt, scooping a shocked Levi into his powerful arms. "But there's no time for that now. We have to find shelter."

"... I still don't believe you," Levi rasped stubbornly, and Erwin sighed.

"I don't exactly expect you to, Levi," he grumbled. "But you could at least try."

"As a rule, I only try things I'm fairly certain I an accomplish."

"... Point taken."

... ... ...

Erwin's stride was more soothing than the damned horse's, but Levi had even less control over where he was going. At first he was annoyed by the way his head bumped against the larger man's chest; annoyed by the ease with which Erwin carried him. But soon it was a losing battle to be annoyed at anything; he was exhausted, physically and mentally, and in so much pain from the constant jostling of his leg that he had ceased to feel anything at all in the broken limb. That and the calming effect of Erwin's steady jog conspired to undermine his consciousness, and soon he was drifting in and out of a light, dreamless sleep. He didn't come fully awake again, in fact, until Erwin had come to a stop.

"Where-?!" he began to demand, but stalled as he gaped up at the huge trees towering over them.

"Hang on," Erwin grunted, and instantly Levi was clinging to the larger man with all the meager strength he had left to him. With a whir of 3D Maneuver Gear the pair ascended, Levi giving a squeak of fright at the sudden rush of air around them. Erwin glanced down at him as they landed on a low branch, surprised by the sound.

"Frightened?" He didn't sound cruel, although not particularly kind either. "You shouldn't be."

"It's not like I'm afraid of heights," Levi muttered. "I'm more afraid of _you_."

Looking mildly surprised, Erwin landed lightly on a sturdy tree-branch; leaning down, he placed his burden in a fork in the trunk. The small, injured man stared up at him warily, and he looked away.

"We'll be safe here for a while," he said, sighing. "Worst case scenario, the formation will complete the mission and then head back that way; we can send off another smoke signal when we see them approaching."

"... So we're both going to live?" Levi asked softly, and his commander glanced down.

"That's what I've been saying all along," he said, his voice just as quiet but far steadier. "We'll be back home in no time."

They were both silent for a moment; there was a soft jangle as Levi wriggled free of his broken gear, and Erwin glanced down.

"They should rig those things to detach on impact, so they don't break."

"Genius idea. You should tell the brass, when we get back."

They fell silent again, and stayed that way for quite a long time. Levi was still waiting for his commander to simply leap away and never come back, so when he reached for his 3D Maneuver Gear trigger it was no real surprise.

"Bye, then." Caustic, accusatory; to hide his fear.

"I'm just going to look for food and water. Don't kill yourself while I'm gone."

And then he was off, flying away with a thrum of his gear. The blade Erwin hadn't noticed slipped from Levi's hand as he stared after him, wondering how his commander had guessed his intentions. He picked up the blade again; examined the gleaming metal.

"It's either be eaten alive, starve in this tree, or just slit my own throat," he said softly. "Are you really asking me to wait around for one of the others to happen? Wouldn't anyone chose to bleed out within minutes?" He was certain that Erwin wouldn't be coming back, although why he had left him with those words was a mystery. "Why do you care how I die?"

Lifting the blade, he placed the tip on his neck; he had slit many throats in the Underground, and knew exactly where to strike. He knew it would take less than a minute for him to die, perhaps less to lose consciousness, if he cut deep enough. If he got it perfectly, it would be instantaneous. But he doubted he could get it perfectly, considering how badly his hands were shaking.

_"Come back alive!!"_

Though his eyes had drifted shut, the memory snapped them open. _Hanji... she couldn't seriously have meant that... hell, the whole Survey Corps is probably hoping I'll die during this mission. One less problem for them... I've always caused them nothing but trouble... I don't blame them for wanting me dead._ Tightening his grip on the blade, he held his breath as he tried to steady his hands.

_But why would he go through the trouble?_

That thought made Levi pause yet again, as he contemplated ending his life. And this one made him lower the blade; he held it on his lap as he panted, trying to get his breath back.

_Erwin went through a lot of trouble to get me to join the Survey Corps to begin with... I might not have turned out to be as useful as he hoped, but..._

_And even if he had planned to kill me out here, why go through the motions of treating my wounds and then dragging me all the way here...?_

_... He couldn't_ really _be planning on coming back, could he...?_

It was strange, but in fact simple: Levi had fought for so long to stay alive, he was loathe to abandon even the slightest hope of staying that way. So he let the blade rest in his lap; folded his hands over it as he laid back against the trunk.

"You've got two hours, Erwin," he whispered up toward the sky. "That's being generous. Any longer, and you can sleep easy knowing I'm dead."


End file.
